(Actually, this was apparently all decided before Jon Stewart's appearance, but CNN president Jonathan Klein said, "I agree wholeheartedly with Jon Stewart's overall premise." Yee-haw! The times, they ARE a-changin', and we SHALL overcome! We SHALL be free!)
Headlines: After some ridiculous pleasantries, President Bush's pick for Attorney General, Alberto Gonzales, is grilled about torture during his confirmation hearings. Rightly so, since he referred to the Geneva Conventions as "obsolete and quaint" and wants to re-write them. He gave evasive answers. The term "hearing" implies to me that Congress has some say in whether or not he becomes Attorney General; I hope they decide that he should not be. That would be the sensible course of action, but when was the last time our government did something that made sense?
(Clip. Actually, it's the whole segment.)
After the Break: Guy shines laser into plane cockpit and tries to pin it on his 11-year-old daughter.
Department of Homeland Security holds "convention" (i.e. "huge-ass party") in Hawaii. Apparently they actually had some convention-like activities, which some Army folks skipped out on to go snorkeling. This is on the taxpayers' tab, by the way. Hopefully this will serve as evidence that this department is completely superfluous to anyone who still has a shadow of a doubt and/or more than three functioning brain cells.
Great Moments of Punditry as read by children; an especially immature spectacle on the soon-to-be defunct Crossfire.
Interview: Author Howard Zinn, Voices of a People's History of the United States, which sounds absolutely fascinating. Zinn compares Bush to Columbus and thereby gives me an orgasm, even though he's old and liver-spotted. Jon: "Don't you think Columbus was slightly more up front [than Bush]?" Zinn: "Not only that, but he was with his invading force." Awesome.