Mary Arline (queen_of_kithia) wrote,
Mary Arline

Good feeling's gone.

I think I may have mentioned this once already (too lazy to go check) but if the unthinkable happens in November and Bush wins the election (or prevents it from taking place) I intend to transfer to a school in Canada. I've done some preliminary checking on the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg, a city I have visited and that I adore; they have a similar degree program to the one I am in now, and other than the necessity of a student visa the admissions requirements are comparable (i.e. "easy"). Neo-patriots are always saying, "If you don't like it here you don't have to live here," to which I say, "You're right, I don't; assuming I can get enough financial aid."

However, were it to come to that pass, I would do so with a heavy heart. I no longer feel any emotion that I would identify as "love of country," although, like Thomas Jefferson and Robert E. Lee, I do feel a certain loyalty to my home state. But more importantly, I would feel a deep sense of regret at having to leave my family and friends behind.

I currently live less than a day's drive from the most significant people in my life. I now live in the same town as my younger brother. I live between the town where I did my undergraduate studies and Lincoln NE, where my two dearest friends have located. This means that friends from my former college town can drop in on their way to Lincoln.

If necessity requires that I move to Winnipeg, I will be twice as far from my hometown (or "Home," as opposed to "home"), than I was when doing undergrad. I will no longer be on anybody's way to anything. Rather, I will be out of the way, out of sight and out of mind, and no one will ever come to see me. And while I'll probably make friends eventually, I will be almost unbearably lonely at first. Even now, when I live in the same town as my brother, the loneliness is at times almost more than I can bear.

In its present condition I have no qualms about severing my ties with America itself, but there are many Americans with whom I want to stay connected, with whom I am extremely reluctant to sever ties.

This is not meant as a taunt or a threat to those who have rendered this country unlivable. I know it will not hurt Bush in the slightest if I leave the country. Indeed, should it come to pass, he will never know that I am gone. Perhaps I am trying to make a political statement by bringing it up here, but should I leave it will be entirely for my own benefit. I know that if I have to endure another four years of this purgatory on Earth, I will lose my mind.

But I do not want to leave, and I hope and pray that it will not come to that.
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